Unparalleled Parallel Worlds Collide

sometimes, things aren't what they seem

Chapter 1 Part 1: Pahiwatig (Inkling)


 

It’s been a few years now since I’ve written anything in here about what has been happening on my spiritual journey. In the past 3 years, there had been so much experiences that i’ve literally lost count and lost sight of them from time to time because they’ve been occurring all too often thus taking away the wonder and the novelty of the experience.

But then again, yesterday I was “instructed” to write again. For what purpose, I don’t really know just yet. I was just told to write all of my experiences down.

It not really as easy as it’s supposed to be since I have to recall everything as detailed as possible and sometimes… I’m not really good at remembering details. -___-

I guess I need to do a recap first. I don’t even know who’s viewing or who’s going to view my posts in the future but I guess that doesn’t really matter much anymore. Maybe the Fates would handle whatever it is as long as I write what I needed to write. Right?

 

Let’s start with a little recent topic I had a week ago. My parents finally put up my most avoided question:

“Am I still Catholic?”

….

Given that I was born and raised as a Catholic, my family and relatives are very much devout themselves. But somehow, most of it didn’t ever made sense to me. There’s nothing much wrong with it, I guess. But then again, I never did like how things were set up like: God loves you but He’ll condemn you to hell fire if you do something that would displease Him. I just couldn’t understand why they’ll have to put so much guilt and shame on you if you somehow have different ideas and beliefs of things. I don’t like ever have to live with so much unnecessary guilt and people telling me how to live my life when they’re not even willing to listen or see how you want to live yours. It’s none of their business to begin with, IMHOP.

At first I just allowed myself to be strung along and see where it goes. But there’s always this niggling feeling that pulls at me, telling me that things are not what they seem. Ever since I was a kid, I was always fascinated with the unknown. I loved listening to urban tales about the undead/aswangs and tales about vengeful spirits that reside in abandoned homes. Back then, I never gave much thought that I’d probably take them seriously in my adult life and wouldn’t want much to do with them since they scared me so much as they keep me hung up with wanting to really experience them first hand.

After my near death experience during my teens (I had dengue fever on stage 3 which I miraculously survived), I started having experiences that do not fit the “Catholic Mold”. Things like communing with the dead, having my first out of the body experience, seeing nature spirits and alike, interpreting dreams for friends and I somehow learned how to give readings with cards. I started doing readings with ordinary playing cards until a friend gave me a tarot deck as a gift. Back then, I was basing some of the numerology vibrations along with the ordinary cards but somehow I know that there’s just this feeling or voice inside my head telling me what to say and how to say them. When I started with my tarot deck, the voice grew louder until I had learned to have  “doubt-trust” issues with myself whenever I give readings. :))

Since I was in a charismatic group for teens back then, I’ve also been exposed to those “spiritual battle” stuff like having to exorcise demonic entities from afflicted friends during prayer sessions and having to sense these presence even before they attack. I was afraid and elated at the same time whenever I had these experiences and it also led me to question my own beliefs and what’s really on the other side. Is it all just black and white? Are the things that we cannot understand had to be labeled as something as simple as:

E-V-I-L?

Back in high school and early college, I had this one high school classmate who always talked to me about how flawed the bible was and how things we’re messed up and how it had so much loop holes and stuff. He was even called a satanist by another friend of mine since she saw him reading Alister Crowely’s works :)) But he wasn’t really a satanist, I think? At that time I really couldn’t understand why he was talking to me about stuff but I guess somewhere along the line, it opened a door for me to explore other possibilities from the other side.

During my college years, I began to seek answers to my questions. I’ve developed another skilled called “automatic writing” which I still doubt if it’s really true or maybe I had a split personality kind of thing going on. :)) Then I came upon this book in my college library called “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch. The title is a bit misleading though since it doesn’t really talk about Jesus and bible stuff but a lot of other things NOT related to RELIGION and, what do you know? This guy wrote everything down through automatic writing! I was really wondering how it ended up being there because my school was ran by Benedictine monks :)) I read all three books and of course, my thirst for getting more information only deepened.  I began having the same automatic writing experiences that the author had experienced and kept a journal of it whenever I’m being called to “write”. It’s this tingling sensation in your hand and the words just flow out as you write them down, not even thinking if everything ever made sense as you wrote them down on paper. All of these information come flowing in freely whenever I just quiet down and jot them down.

Then came weird dreams where I thought were real. I’ve kept a journal of these dreams for 4 years and I’ve noticed that these weird dreams mostly surfaced during the middle of the year. I felt that these dreams where memories from my past lives. There was one where I was in a pyramid and we were keeping scrolls down there for safe keeping. There was also one where I was a knight in search for a lost king to revive a dying city. And one where I was a sorceress who bade goodbye to her lover who was off to a war in which he may never come back from. And a lot more, actually. Some I’ve even written down in this blog years ago. My fascination with past lives grew and until one time I’ve even met a college professor of mine who was writing a book about past lives and tried to have a consultation with him if he could “read” through my past with the help of his spirit guides. Until now I’m still wondering about what he meant by “You didn’t really die in your last life, you just ‘passed’ on.” It could actually mean a lot of things like maybe going on into another life time as souls do or really not dying and really just moving from one body to another? LOL! I’m really not sure. There was another session with this said professor but I guess that will be written on another post.

My repertoire with the occult grew as time went by. My fear of being discovered by my family also grew along side it. But I told my dad a few tales of my adventures from time to time since he somehow keeps an open mind about these things but doesn’t really want to get involve in them. There was even one time that a friend of mine recommended me to do an interview for a TV show on channel 9 called “K na Tayo” in which their topic for discussion was about the “Inner Mind”. The segment for that show was also done along side Mr. Jaime Licauco’s insight about the topic.  I actually didn’t want to go through with the interview but my friend insisted since she said they couldn’t get any “Psychic” to do an interview for them.

“Me, a psychic?” I couldn’t really believe i’d be labeled as such but there it was on television when they aired my interview. At that point in time, I never gave much thought about going deep into the occult since I felt it was nothing but a novelty for me. A few special “powers” to make me feel unique and special and somehow I felt kind of “untouchable” in a sense.

Was it really something special that only a few people could have? No, I guess not.  It’s only a matter of heeding that voice inside you. Everybody has the power to tap into this Source of “Divine” Information. It is a part of us and it not something only the “chosen ones” have because there is no such thing as “chosen ones”, it’s only the people who are stubborn enough not to listen and continue feeling disconnected from themselves as they keep themselves separated from the Divine.

———————–

So much more to write but as of now, I guess I should stop since I need to collate and organize my thoughts. :)

Monsters out of the closet and on the roll


No, they aren’t related to skeletons in the closet. They’re actually real. They be like people — a pack mentality kind of thing.

Well sometimes they do hide in their little cubby-holes and do what they’re really good at:

  • berating people and reducing them into itty-bitty-specks of nothingness (they’re really good at those spills like “you don’t have an ounce of shame on you! How dare you talk back at me?” and all those other things that would make you feel insignificant);
    • sit in front of the TV for countless of hours with the volume turned up so loud while even having their little technology devices on hand (which makes watching TV AND having a tablet/laptop on hand as a special skill), talk about nonsensical stuff they see on television that isn’t even relevant to their everyday living and probably punch in a good drama kick (oh the typical scripts on soaps like an illogical flow of crying over something that isn’t important, spewing insults, minding other peoples’ businesses like control freaks and getting upset over them because they don’t meet their expectations, etc.) on somebody unsuspecting;
    • indulgently devouring away unhealthy snacks like it’s a normal thing to do (not to mention doing this EVERYDAY);
    • hates authority/hates the world/hates almost everybody but then promotes peace through words and scriptures but never really in deeds or acts of kindness (it’s a little bit hard to put into words, but i guess some people would understand what I mean here.) ;
    • unable to, or more accurately, not willing to cope up with changes that would help them better themselves or would help them acquire more skills and knowledge due to the mentality that they feel far more superior and important in their own little/big way (not to mention quitting a job and hoping that the company offers/owes them something big when they haven’t really proved their worth in a few months of being there, having no track record or credentials to support their claim to fame);
    • falsely saying they miss you but actually, they just want something from you and when you can’t give what they want, you are nothing to them and they wouldn’t really even bother to hang around you;
    • loathing over their body, illness, unwanted traits and pestering people about it over and over like a broken record stuck on “poor me” and making them feel responsible for them when they’re entirely not;

etc.;

Oh God, there’s so much more and it’s really tiring to enumerate each and every one of their traits >_<

But the point is, each and everyone of us isn’t really perfect. BUT — yes there’s a huge BUT– there is a choice of having to be aware of what we do to ourselves and how it affects other people and really doing something about it.

I’ve been one of those monsters out of the closet and on the roll. Let me emphasize on the BEEN part though i’m still a half way to go to being totally “de-monster-ing” myself. It was a horrible thing to do to be stuck being like a lifeless blob full of drama and self made intrigue and living a life of unhealthy choices/decisions/relationships. I had BEEN looking for a way to get out of such a cycle only to find out that you just have to make a commitment to actually just change your mindset and go take the plunge:

  • decide that you don’t want to feel like shit or be treated like shit — stand up and be proud of your “bare”-self. You have every right to de-weed your life’s garden with toxic people and things. You’ll thank yourself later.
    • decide that you are finally be able to take full responsibility over your own actions/feelings AND beliefs (because it’s what you want to make of them and not what others would make you to feel/do/believe);
    • decide that you don’t let the berating bother you because you know yourself better and you are not what they claim you are (not to mention restraining the urge to engage in pointless bantering);
    • decide that you want to stay happily active: eat healthy (eating veggies isn’t that bad, it’s not like a punishment game, you just need to learn how to cook them right and tasty and you’re in for a treat! You’ll definitely won’t be craving for so much meat given the right flavors ;) ), have a healthy discipline of daily routines (such as sleeping early and getting a good dose of sunshine early in the morning to boost those serotonin levels), exercise regularly, engage yourself wit the right people who will inspire you and not expire you;
    • decide that you have your own personal path and no doctrine/dogma/society stereotyping will dictate on how you’re supposed to live your life — your life is yours to live and not theirs so be aware of your actions and thoughts as you reap what you sow (chances are people would be mad at you but they’re secretly wishing they could do what you do);
    • decide that you should show gratitude to every single thing: be it an experience, a person, a lesson, a bad day (yes, a bad day would make you more aware of the world and yourself), a good day, etc. and really mean it from the bottom of your heart.
    • decide that you should be open to every new opportunity and experience to further your skills — upgrade yourself. Staying complacent is never a good thing because it could lead you to self-decay/degeneration. You could learn a new habit or stop a habit and that in itself becomes a new skill (if somebody criticizes you for what you do, take a step back and look at it objectively and stop being emotional about it because you might learn something new to help you be better)
    • decide that you will  never stop the search for truth — everything new turns up everyday, what might be true today may not be true tomorrow

and I guess more importantly, always be true to yourself. Listen to your inner/higher being. Do not be afraid to indulge in the quiet recesses of your inner mind. Embrace all the shadows that you have within you because they are a part of you. NEVER EVER shun them out of your mind, use them to your advantage. Being friends with your dark side has it’s own advantages ;) You have what you need inside you for you are a divine and magickal being, claim your birthright.

P.S. I haven’t been writing in a while. A little bit busy trying to find myself and I guess the search is almost over and I’m building myself up to be a better and stronger version of myself :) i guess i’ll start writing again. This time less drama, more positive stuff :D

The Fifrildi Edda (Part 7) In between decisions


๑๑๑Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ๑๑๑

“Have you completely lost your mind??!” Said the Caterpillar, exasperated from the thought of what She had just said.

 

“Maybe. Maybe I have and maybe I have not. But most probably if I did, that’s when I realized the true sense of freedom. I am not this painted portrait on the wall. I am not this sculpture set up on that pedestal. This is me. Theses images in the broken pieces I see before me is me. I am what I have created for myself be it evil or good. I am a product of these decisions that I had made for myself whether I chose to be aware of it or not. I cannot play a victim of what has transpired.”

“Then I take it that you’ve decided  the answer to this riddle?”

“Yes.”

She then again reads the inscription on the sand “‘To take into heart what the universe has conspired, I face the precipice of fire with a shard of ice. I plant the seed of the Frozen Dream into the raging currents of time.”

She then picks up a sliver of the broken Mirror of Dreams and sets of find the tides of bevissthetsstrøm.

๑๑๑Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ๑๑๑

I haven’t decided on names yet >_> i’d probably need another dose of domestic drama to get the story out of my head :))

Slowly everything is falling into place.

Everything’s a rough sketch but the hazy lines would probably flow out more fluently after another epiphany. I wonder if i could ever get this story published though >_<

The Shower Chronicles: Journey To The Center of The Chrysalis


It has always been in the shower — ideas rushing in as the water gushes out and drench my body so does the stream of thoughts interlacing one from the other.

And so here it is, I figure i should probably write down all (well i wont probably wont get to do this all the time but will try to do it as often) that has been going through my mind in the shower unto “paper”.

———————–o–O–o————————–

Life is like the life cycle of a butterfly. We are all born individually and yet dependently on the environment that holds us.

Caterpillars emerge from a single tiny shell — as soon as they are born, their only reason for living is to feed off the tree or bush that they are born to. They are exposed to the dangers of the environment like the rain and the predators that might try to disrupt their peaceful life of munching away single leaf that they could see. Some bushes may actually be overpopulated with caterpillars and so everybody struggles to get their own share. Some will not make it, either because they have lost the race for food or they die at the mercy of the predators no matter how much they try to protect themselves with those stink rays to ward them off or simply they just succumb to the elements… Such is a life of a caterpillar: EAT OR DIE. DEFEND OR DIE.

I think humans are quite the same — we struggle to live. Everybody thinks that life has to be a rat race where everybody needs to one up and compete with everybody else. People endlessly just consume things mindlessly without considering anybody else (Well except for family and friends of course, but then some don’t really even care about that. Really.) People struggle with their jobs, their relationships, their homes.. almost anything really. When something goes wrong, they wallow in the drama of things instead of getting their selves fixed up altogether. Sometimes the elements aren’t even kind to people — things are being swept away with fire and ice along with the winds that literally changes everything. What’s left of these people when they are all stark out of hope? Well some choose to blame other things other than themselves. When they’re struck down and have even bared their soul, some end up being bitter blaming everything around them other than themselves and the things that have happened along the way. While some choose to call out to a deity that they believe would give them everything that they want like a genie in a lamp.

“3 wishes… you only get three wishes..” oh crap, can i wish for more wishes?

No. That’s cheating.

And so then the journey of the butterfly winds up in a cocoon. They tuck themselves away, spinning their own saliva to form a chrysalis. A soft casing at first… a very delicate process to put all effort in and consider. There shall be no spot missed, everything that they are should be shrouded within. Then it hardens and all the life they had lived is turned inside-out. It’s like they have journeyed back into the womb of their shell, only the shell is different and it is of their own making. That’s where the magic happens — a change that the human eye cannot see, but only the caterpillar can feel happen. Life does not stop inside the chrysalis — it is where it begins!

I don’t think many people try to look at themselves, I mean REALLY look at themselves. Sure they might look at themselves in the mirror and admire their physique. But that’s all that there is, admiring the physique. Some may even chose to loathe themselves if they don’t like what they see in the mirror. And yes the drama begins again like a broken record stuck on replay.   If it’s not the physique, it would be the worldly accomplishments like a great job that pays 5-7 digits, acquisitions of the latest technological advancement (which some wouldn’t be so content of having, replacing them ever so often as the latest model comes out [such a waste, I know right!]), titles that they think define the very core of their being which makes them feel so big and indestructible… the list goes on and on. It all goes back to the ego. THE NEVER ENDING SCREAMING EGO. Everything that people think holds their life in place all comes back to the ego. Take away all of that, what’s left? What are you? What’s behind that mask you’re wearing? Everything is an illusion.

“Why are you wearing that silly bunny suit?”

“Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?”

(excerpts from Donnie Darko)

In one in a billion of the world’s population, who has ever bothered to look inside? I mean really look at THE inside of themselves?  Peering inside is not even half of the battle, one must make that journey inside. Embracing both the good and the bad. One must get lost inside in order to find themselves inside. People struggle for the change in the world yet never looking to change themselves. Change is an inside job as true happiness is an inside job. Not many people are strong enough like the caterpillar to journey into the center of their own cocoons. They are afraid to learn, to see, and to feel themselves because it’s much more easier to perceive everything that is outside of themselves, everything they think they could grab a hold of and control. The exterior ghost of a shell holds more importance than the intelligent sentient being that resides in it.

“To get to the heart of everything, one must abandon what the world thinks and listen to the voice within.”

There will be times that what you hear on the inside will not be pleasant, but that is a part of you — something you cannot deny and MUST embrace, denying it is futile. It help shapes who you are. You may even discover things about yourself that you thought you were never capable of. To be friends with yourself is the most liberating thing in the world. Like the magic that works inside a caterpillars chrysalis, it is a process of rebirth and regeneration. When you have journeyed inside, your view of the outside world changes. You become more aware of everything: The World Around and The Divine Self — nothing was, is or has been separated from one another. With all the neuro-chemical changes that goes from the inside the chrysalis of our minds follows the changes that we could see outside. Change cannot happen overnight, it is a constant process. We breathe in and dive inside the waters of our emotions and intellect. The changes we feel from the inside radiates through the outside, it will affect everything it touches — as long as you have stated your intention. Everything that you are to become is made aware, and how you affect to be the change around you happens.

“Sometimes you must show yourself as you really are. People who are lost in the struggle of existence have become prisoners of illusion. Just remember one thing: you are made of light, and when it is fitting, you may have to prove it.”

(excerpts from Buddha by Deepak Chopra)

And so i leave you with a question: “Do you wish to be a butterfly and soar high? Or do you wish to be a caterpillar and forever crawl and struggle?”

“Be the Change That You Want To See In The World. But For Heaven’s Sakes, Please Start With Your Own World! The Rest Will Follow.”

Frifrildi Eda (p6) – The Beginning, The Tempest and The Dark


“Where am I? It’s so dark… and so cold… I can’t see, my eyes hurt… my body hurts…”

She lays crumpled on the ashen floor, battered and bruised. A moment ago she was with company, people whom she hold dear. Laughing, talking, and bickering at the dinner table, enjoying their meal… And then, it all happened so suddenly, with just one swoop. All she remembered was that lightning struck and a tempest had swept her away.

“Hello? are you still alive?” cried a small trembling voice.

“Who’s there? Who are you? What are you? …..Where am I?….” 

She fumbled through the questions non-stop. Her head reeling in from the pain and heart beating fast startled by the small voice that greeted her.

“We are… i don’t know, we are nowhere… I don’t know how i got here either.. I’m just a tiny caterpillar, i’m afraid i’m unable to help you right now, but i could at least keep you company…”

The Lady in the grey dress started to weep in a bitter tone.. she was all dazed and confused of what had come past. Trying to make sense of everything, she grasped desperately for her mind to still. Weeping was all that her body could muster to cope up with the moment.

The night was silent, there was nothing to be seen, no stars shone in the sky, not even a moon to shed light. The wind breezes in with an icy chill, the little caterpillar huddled close to the crumpled lady on the floor for warmth.

“I hope you don’t mind… I am but a tiny, little thing and I could not protect myself from the cold.”

The lady just laid there almost lifeless, exhausted, asleep and without a care. A faint whimper escapes her lips, as if in pain, as she cradles her knees closer to her chest.

“I guess she must be real tired… I guess her mind and her heart is tired.. I shall keep you company for a while. Insignificant as I am, this is all I could offer.”

The night goes on. Nothing to be seen only the icy wind howling through the eves.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 838 other followers