Unparalleled Parallel Worlds Collide

sometimes, things aren't what they seem

Month: April, 2011

lady of the land


was browsing through my old multiply account and saw this entry i had a few years back, wala lang icocross post ko lang dito 🙂

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Aug 24, ’09 5:04 PM

matagal na panahon na, hindi na ako nakakasulat dito. ngunit subalit datapwat — naisipan ko lang magsulat ngaun kase…. WALA LANG.

nanaginip si atashi ng isang shalala na scene, parang fantasy ang drama na mas shalala pa sa narnia at lord of the rings… isang lugar kung saan ang lupa at ang kastilyo mismo ang naglalakbay, 3 araw lang, andun ka na sa destinasyon mo.

makikita mo ang bawat araw na nagdaan sa isang malaking orasan. ang unang marka ng orasan ay may simbolo ng hangin. ang pangalawa nama’y may simbolo ng apoy. at ang pang huli ay may simbolo ng  buwan — at ito ay nagpapahiwatig na ika’y nandun na sa iyong destinasyon. 

sa bawa’t araw eh matatanaw mo na nag iiba ang paligid mo, nung unang araw napansin ko na may malawak na lupain na luntian, parang pastulan pero ang mga ulap ay kulay kahel. hindi ko matandaan ang pangalawang araw dahil daw ako’y andun sa may terasa at maghapong nagbabasa ng libro. ng ako’y napatingin sa “orasan” at nakita kong ito’y tumapat na sa buwan, ako’y nagmadali at galak na galak na lumabas ng kastilyo upang pagmasdan ang aming destinasyon….

(ehem, mahirap maghanap ng tagalog words para madescribe ng maayos to kaya magmamaganda akong mag e-english)

As i stepped out of the castle, i saw a breathtaking and captivating view. The moon has dawned (yes that’s how i remember it, i didnt say sunrise for some weird reason) and the horizon was painted with hues of oranges, blues and greys and the clouds so majestically shapped like guardian Lions protecting the vast cobalt blue sea caressed by an ashen shore with patches of silver. We leaped in a single bound as we let the wind carry us to where the water meets the land. As we stepped, the ground crumbled beneath us and waves suddenly washed in to drench our feet. I came to realize that i suddenly couldn’t move and the waves were ebbing the shore away, my feet digging deeper into the sand. i tried to cling unto “the mistress of the land” but she was too weak to pull me out. A man that turned into a boy had risen from the waters. The mistress of the land pleaded out to him for help “Dana (english-jap for comrade), will you please help me to pull her out of the water?” The strange little boy complied and went to the shore to help pull me out. The mistress of the land grabbed my left hand and the boy my other hand then they both helped to pull me out. But the sand in which the lady of the land was stepping on crumbled and she fell into the water along side me. She fell in because her element of expertise was the same as mine: Air. I rushed in at her with great panic and with an unknown strength carried her out of the water because i didn’t want her to drown. The little boy pulled back a bit, amazed by the sight… and then….

WALA NA NAGISING NA KO EH.

>_>

akshuli meron pa isa kasunod yan, pinilit kong matulog ulit nung nagising ako at inisip ko talaga kung san ako huli tumigil. nagkaroon nga sya ng sumunod na kabanata pero tinatamad na akong magsulat. hahahahahahahaha sa susunod nalang kaso parang tinatamad nanaman ako. 

naisip ko lang, siguro naglakbay nanaman ang kaluluwa ko ng bonggang bongga. kase wala naman akong napapanood or nabasa na fantasy lately >_< 

wala lang, nagmamaganda lang ako mamahagi ng aking panangginip.

Abangan ang susunod na kabanata! 

Temptation


and yes i am guilty.

charges are the following:

1. had been constantly thinking of someone i am not meant to think about.

2. had been smoking at least one (1) stick of cigarette whenever i feel stressed.

3. HAD BEEN DRINKING TWO (2) bottles of liquor last night because of stress and because i’ve been depressed over something stupid.

4.  had been skipping my usual AO sessions because of stress and because i’m too pre-occupied about unimportant stuff. 

5. told someone something that i shouldn’t have had said so in the first place because i know everything’s over and i was hoping for something else.

6. over analyzing things beyond my control like i’m some sort of anal retentive bitch.

and yes i blamed most of it on stress and sadness when i have nothing to blame for but myself >_<

God forgive me, but it’s not like i’m living my life as a nun.. though yeah i at least made a promise to myself that i would try my very best not to go back to my bad habits. 😐

i had been weak — and i admit my weaknesses.  how to cope up with stress and sadness is another thing. melancholy is my number one enemy. i admit i am often caught in my own web of pessimistic ideas. it’s my nature. how to manage it is another thing. (and something i need to learn more of >_>) i often end up having highs and lows — high on having control over myself and trying to coax myself out of depression by being busy or constantly having my mind pre-occupied by stupid ideas then after some time… BANG everything starts to explode, break down into the lowest of lows… oh god, the things i get myself into 😦 it’s tiring :/ i guess i need to gradually get everything out of my system and stop feeling rushed… that’s it i guess. because i feel RUSHED to finish everything, to forget everything that has caused me so much pain. i am aware i don’t cope up easy at times but i had been rushing and it has created this vicious  cycle of highs and lows. 😦 

i need to learn how to let go… let go everything completely. i thought i already had, but it seems i was still holding on. i need to retrace my steps and set everything back in place slowly but surely. i dont want to rush things again, if i have to analyze every detail for me to understand why i must do all these things, i will. i am aware i had been given a higher responsibility, it’s not like i want to take it all up by myself. i know if i dont want it, i will be relieved of my post and it will be given to someone else. but still i want that post not out of prestige or anything stupid, because i had been doing it for the longest time and i am happy when i am able to help others because of it. and because i know everything i had been doing so far was part of a plan, i am not up to ruining that plan because of my own selfish desires. 

from time to time, i am aware i may be tempted by the same things over and over again. how i yield to these temptations will be the biggest battle i’d ever have to face. dear creator help me! 

“Each way i turn and though i always try to break the circle that has been placed around me.

From time to time i thought i lost some meaning, that was urgent to myself i do believe.

Oh, up, down, turn around; please don’t let me hit the ground. Tonight I think I’ll walk alone, find my soul as i go home…

Procrastination


how long has it been? 

Yes it’s been a month..

i have a lot of posts pending… waiting for me to type in a few more sentences… or maybe paragraphs? >_< *sighs* i just leave the drafts unfinished until i finally forget about them 😐 

writer’s block? possibly. or that’s just an excuse for saying “im too tired to type everything in and too preoccupied to remember what happened.”

i’m such a loser. lol :))

i’ll get around posting a pending entry soon… i hope >_< been busy with “work” and trying to de-stress distract myself from “work” :)) 

haha 

“so much to do, so little time” EH PANO KAYA ANO? kung hindi ka sabaw at natunganga eh di sana natapos mo na yung dapat mong tapusin? >_<