Decay

by Klairewind


i am aware of how unsupportive you are. 

your spiteful musings are the bane of my existence.

yet i do not understand, why do you always impede my happiness? 

 

lahat nalang.. lahat nalang talaga. pag may gusto akong gawin para sa sarili ko at alam kong para sa ikabubuti ko, palage kang andyan para kumontra. lage mong sinasabi na makasarili ako. hindi mo ba nakikita na ikaw din? makasarili? marunong din ako magsakripisyo, ngunit hindi yun ang nakikita mo. ang nakikita mo lang ay ang mga bagay na gusto mong makita at ako nalang palagi ang may mali. 

 

gusto mo ng respeto.. ngunit nirerespeto mo din ba ko mga kagustuhan ko? 

 

pagod na ko. ngunit kelangan pa din kita pagpasensyahan. pero minsan pag umabot na sa kasukdulan, hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong magalit. alam kong masama magalit. masama magtanim ng sama ng loob. alam kong madami kang ganyang “pananim”. kahet na ganun ka, pagpapasensyahan pa din kita kahet nasasaktan ako sa mga ginagawa mo sakin. hindi dahil wala akong pagpipiliian, ngunit dahil pinili kong pagpasensyahan ka. pipilitin kong patawarin ka sa abot ng aking makakaya, ayaw ko magtanim ng sama ng loob, sawa na ko sa ganung bagay. 

 

even if you wish a thorn be pierced on my side, i will still offer you a rose.

even  if you fill your own cup with regret, i will not fill the same with mine rather i would offer you a cup of forgiveness and love.

i am not perfect in my own self and neither are you. we cannot change what has been done, but we can make the most of what is too come. so in this, i offer you peace even if you cannot offer me the same. do not take it against me that i want to live my life the way i want to. this may come across to you as arrogant but my life is my own, and i have a right to live the way i see fit. i respect your wishes, but i wish you could also respect mine. i had long been chained to things that you want but do not want for myself.  please, i pray to thee, do not be blinded by your own misery by delighting in my every downfall. as much as it pains me, i do not wish you ill.

 

May the Creator grant me the strength to endure this. to forgive myself and forgive those who have hurt me. 

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