Unparalleled Parallel Worlds Collide

sometimes, things aren't what they seem

Category: unfavorable wishes

Frifrildi Eda (p6) – The Beginning, The Tempest and The Dark


“Where am I? It’s so dark… and so cold… I can’t see, my eyes hurt… my body hurts…”

She lays crumpled on the ashen floor, battered and bruised. A moment ago she was with company, people whom she hold dear. Laughing, talking, and bickering at the dinner table, enjoying their meal… And then, it all happened so suddenly, with just one swoop. All she remembered was that lightning struck and a tempest had swept her away.

“Hello? are you still alive?” cried a small trembling voice.

“Who’s there? Who are you? What are you? …..Where am I?….” 

She fumbled through the questions non-stop. Her head reeling in from the pain and heart beating fast startled by the small voice that greeted her.

“We are… i don’t know, we are nowhere… I don’t know how i got here either.. I’m just a tiny caterpillar, i’m afraid i’m unable to help you right now, but i could at least keep you company…”

The Lady in the grey dress started to weep in a bitter tone.. she was all dazed and confused of what had come past. Trying to make sense of everything, she grasped desperately for her mind to still. Weeping was all that her body could muster to cope up with the moment.

The night was silent, there was nothing to be seen, no stars shone in the sky, not even a moon to shed light. The wind breezes in with an icy chill, the little caterpillar huddled close to the crumpled lady on the floor for warmth.

“I hope you don’t mind… I am but a tiny, little thing and I could not protect myself from the cold.”

The lady just laid there almost lifeless, exhausted, asleep and without a care. A faint whimper escapes her lips, as if in pain, as she cradles her knees closer to her chest.

“I guess she must be real tired… I guess her mind and her heart is tired.. I shall keep you company for a while. Insignificant as I am, this is all I could offer.”

The night goes on. Nothing to be seen only the icy wind howling through the eves.

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random words, random thoughts, random feelings


i miss u, i miss talking to you.

i miss the sound of your voice, ur laughter..

i miss how we used to talk on the phone for long hours about something, nothing or anything at all.

i miss the times where we would just drive around in ur car, getting nowhere, ending up somewhere, singing along through ur playlist.. i even miss hearing u sing like ur just reciting the words & not singing at all.

remember the few times we’d watch television or go on a movie date? yeah.. those were fun times… i remember u used to hold on to me like a little girl when we were watching a horror flick, that was kinda cute.

i miss the times when u would walk me home & steal a few kisses on a dark alley. i always end up speechles.

…. .. .. …..

i could go on and on… like how i miss cuddling and tickling u while secretly smelling ur neck when i hug u.. how i..

….i cant go on feeling this nostalgia though. it’s actually sad u don’t seem to care anymore.

“The Purge” ver. 2.1


And here am I, again, doing what I’m supposed to be doing over a year ago.

I had doubts back then.. Just because i felt like I was being pushed around by someone else and going through “this” blindly in place of me trying to recover from last year’s heartache. Everything was fast and yet the bliss became a blur. Moments after, I began questioning myself: “Why am I doing this? WHY AM I REALLY DOING THIS?” Though I did not regret anything from that “process”, I decided to take a break from it all — i needed a solid reason, a reassurance that what I had been doing isn’t just me being pushed around by somebody because he told me “We are supposed to do this because The Voices Deep Within ‘He’ told us to do so… let’s just go along with it.”

It has been roughly a year since I stopped going through the Ether. Though it has been breathtaking and  life altering to experience the essence of “One-ness”, as i’ve said earlier, I had my doubts. I didn’t want it to feel like an escape just because I needed to let go from a previous relationship… It almost felt like that was the only reason why I was doing it — aside from the fact that it did improve my life in so many ways but then again, it became a routine and lost its essence when I finally got the courage to move on with my life. My information about “these things” was being spoon-fed by somebody else (through his own experiences) and so I began to lose interest because I had a preview of a “possible” outcome. Though he did have good intentions with trying to share his thoughts and experiences, my whole body was rejecting the idea. I don’t honestly know why, maybe it’s because of stubbornness? But then again, something inside me kept saying “That is not your path. You have your own.”

So here am I, again — though I still have no solid reason, this time I am going to discover things on my own, do things at my pace and i had decided to take another path to accomplish what I am supposed to do. Though this year I had also gone through another heartbreaking experience, one thing’s for sure, it maybe a trigger but it’s not the whole sole reason why I had decided to go through this again. I am going to go through this again because my ‘Inner self’ has been calling out to me — the need for me to fix myself before anything else is stronger now. I have to admit, it’s not easy but I believe I have all the resources within my reach to help me get through this — to remaster and fine tune myself yet again.

And so I had started with purging my own room, again, today. Surprisingly enough, though I don’t have much to throw away compared to last year, it could literally drain everything out of me: all the emotions and stress of trying to let go of things is quite a pain but then again I’m only done with half of my room, there’s another half to go through tomorrow. The most enervating part of today’s purge was The Jar. Unlike last year, i gathered all the memorabilia of my ex in a box and threw it on a river to be “washed” away, this time i really didn’t have the time to do so i ended up purging the contents of the jar by burning them on a small, makeshift, pyre I’ve set up on my table. Curious to know what’s inside? It’s filled up with little notes that I was supposed to give to that special person if ever things went out well… tiny pieces of papers filled with lines from a song to describe what i feel, happy thoughts/ moments written on a whim and sad/painful feelings that i could not convey but wish i could without hesitation. Along with those notes, i was able to salvage one of the two movie tickets that we had watched together last year… I know that sounded cheesy, but that was the night i realized i was already falling for that person, thus making such a small token memorable. I unfolded and read every single note, ended up crying if it pained me to read then lit up every single piece of paper, watching them burn one by one in the small dish… ditching some alcohol in if it doesn’t burn up right. In the end, it was a good cry. It still hurts but I know I have to let it all go… For my sanity’s sake.

Tomorrow, I’ll be purging the right side of the room, again. Probably rearrange, ditch and clean a few more stuff on the “secret” compartment on the top bunk and maybe finally decide to post the stuff on ebay (FINALLY) and make a profit out of them. The garden was the first one to go — finally got a hold of that flower bed near the garage and planted some tomatoes and a few herbs, so i guess i’m doing things in reverse now, let’s see how things fair as the days go by.  

I am well aware of my reluctance. I acknowledge that. But this time, I am determined to know the answers to my questions on my own by being attentive to everything that has been happening to me and to the things that will happen in the future to help me further my “self mastery” and to “do what I’m supposed to do”. I have nothing to blame but myself, and whatever happens, I only have myself to answer for my actions because this time, I will make sure that this is a choice I have decided to do on my own and not because somebody “suggested” me to do it.

 

Random version 3.1.3.4


sometimes, just sometimes, i want to kill myself right off the bat than having to kill myself with a slow painful death! the agony! (not to mention the stupidity!) i guess i’m just stubborn. mou ii ka, atashi no sei desho.  anata no kankei nei yo… sou to omou ka.. くるしい。かなし。さびし。

stupidity.


oo, katangahan.. ako na talaga.

sino ba namang tanga’t kalahati ang magbabasa ng logs na kikiligin at sa kalagitnaan eh iiyak ng bonggang bongga na walang tigil? ako lang… ako lang talaga.

taena, ubod talaga ako ng masochista ano? kahet naiyak ako, basa pa din ako ng basa ng logs.. taena sorry naman, tao lang ako.. namimiss pa din kita kahet na nagmukha akong tanga nung araw na iniwan mo ko.. hanggang ngayon, naiisip pa din kita — namimiss ko yung mga usap natin kahet na minsan walang kwenta yung mga pinagkwekwentuhan natin, namimiss ko yung lambingan natin, namimiss ko yung  mga panahon na kahet na inde tayo nag uusap kapag magkatabi tayo pero parang nag uusap pa din tayo na hindi ko maintindihan kung pano yun pero yun na yun(ako lang kaya nakaramdam nun?), namimiss ko yung mga panahon na nakatambay tayo dun sa special area natin at nagkukulitan/ naghaharutan… tae, andami kong namimiss tungkol sayo.. pero malamang, hindi mo namimiss yun… naiisip mo kaya ako kahet na minsan lang?

kanina nabasa ko yung isang log kung kelan ipapakilala mo ko sa pamilya mo kinabukasan nung gabing yun. tuwang tuwa ka, walang pag aalinlangan. ako din, tuwang tuwa, may halong kaba pero hindi ako nag aalinlangan. sa totoo lang, yun din kase ang unang pagkakataon na napakilala ako ng minamahal ko sa kanyang mga magulang at mga kamaganak, hindi man pormal ang setting pero nakakatuwa pa din isipin. at ako naman si tanga, natutuwang nagbabasa pero sa parehong pagkakataon eh panay ang tulo ng luha ko at di mapigilang humihikbi sa pagiyak. amfota.. ang tanga tanga ko talaga ano?

naalala ko pa, meron akong isang maliit na notebook nung nanliligaw ka palang. oo notebook. hindi mo na siguro naaaalala pero diba sabi ko sayo eh ang panliligaw mo sakin eh may mga quizzes na practical exam at meh finals ka pa para makapasa ka sakin.. sa bawat araw nun halos walang mintis, nagsusulat ako sa notebook na yun ng mga nangyari sa araw na yun, magkita man tayo o hindi. sinusulat ko dun kung anu sa tingin ko yung mga strong points at weak points mo at yung mga pasundot sundot na kilig moments ko sayo at kung gano na kataas yung kilig factor. tae parang highschool lang :)) actually ang balak ko pa nga sana noon eh.. ibibigay ko sayo yung notebook na yun kapag naka-isang taon na tayo… kaso.. wala eh. wala din naman akong magagawa dun. hindi ko na matandaan kung naitapon ko ba yung notebook na yun o namisplace lang sa ibang gamit. dapat kase isasama ko din ipaanod yun sa ilog na malapit sa escolta kasama yung mga ibang gamit na bigay mo or mga gamit na nagpapaalala sakin tungkol sayo nung nagkahiwalay na tayo.. 

mahirap makalimot. maslalo na kung nagmahal ka ng tapat. pero kelangan tanggapin na ang nakaraan ay nakaraan na. pero minsan andami pa din nagulo sa utak ko. parang naiisip ko kase hindi sapat yung binigay mo saking dahilan nung nakipaghiwalay ka sakin. sabi mo wala namang mali sakin kundi sayo lang… pero baket ganun? pakiramdam ko meron din akong mali na hindi mo lang sinasabi kase siguro ayaw mo nang madagdagan pa yung pananakit na ginawa mo nung gabing yun.. pero hindi ako matahimik 😦 gusto ko malaman kung meron ba kong ginawa na bagay na maari ding nakadagdag sa dahilan kumbaket kinailangan mo kong iwanan. at sa totoo lang hindi ko din maintindihan yung mga ikinilos mo nung gabing yun: gusto mong makipag hiwalay sakin pero niyakap mo ko ng hindi ako matigil sa pag iyak. nung paalis ka na, pinigilan kita para yakapin, nagpatinag ka at niyakap mo din ako — kung desidido ka na talagang umalis eh dapat hindi mo na ginawa yun.  

at tae naalala ko yung t-shirt mo nung nakipagbreak ka sakin at tuwing nakikita ko yun… haha yun na din talaga ang pakiramdam na mababalik sa dati ang lahat. isang malaking S–T-K -A B-W–!!! natatawa ako at naasar kapag nakikita kong suot mo yun. >_> amfuke. 

taena eto nanaman ako.. si anal retentive. isa-isang hinihimay himay ang mga bagay bagay. 😦

dyuskopo! tama na! maawa ka naman sa sarili mo….

haaaayyyy….. gusto ko lang maglabas ng sama ng loob. mabasa mo man ito o hindi, bahala na si batman. may pumansin man nito o wala, keri lang. i’m just thinking out loud. that’s all. makatulog na nga >_>